Freelance Falcon ~ Weird Jhola-Chhap thing ~ ज़हन
- Mohit Sharma (Trendy Baba / Trendster)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Making of 'Dirty' Scene in a Bollywood Movie

Note - Don't go on title. Please read the whole stuff. No offense intended to anyone. Focus is on Indian 'Bollywood' style not on rape.


Scene in Script – A dirty mind villain is walking towards heroin with dirty thoughts in his mind….in short a Rape scene. As this was a Hindi "Family" Movie they were only covering face expressions of villain and heroin.

Director was briefing villain and heroin about this scene. First Director started the shooting of about 30 seconds of Helpless Heroin’s expressions.

Director – You have to give us "pure strange, puzzled plus frightened expressions" like you gave after your wardrobe malfunction in an event last month. What/Which/Who is the most scariest thing in this world for you?

Heroin – My Mother in Law and my Sister in Law.

Director – But we can't afford any of the two, and after all members of my film unit are humans too like you. I have another option though not as great as your Mother in Law or Sister in Law but still above average. Where is the sweeper?

Sweeper makes a jumping entry to impress the Director with a poly bag full of cockroaches, fresh from gutter.

Director – Lights,
Sound,
Roll Camera,
Action…..wait..

Lights,
Sound,
Roll Camera,
Roll Cockroaches,
Action!

Sweeper opens the poly bag and cockroaches got their freedom once again but instead of proceeding towards the 'ready' Heroin they turned back and marched towards the film unit. Now every member of the crew was giving "pure strange, puzzled plus frightened expressions" except the Heroin and the Sweeper. Villain ran for his life and vanished into the Make-Up-Vanity-Van of the Heroin. Many cockroaches vanished in this event but at last few heterosexual cockroaches returned towards the heroin and film unit resumed the film shoot.

Now, 30 seconds of villain's face expression.

"Dark room…you walk towards helpless lady...give me those classic expressions, Paapi ji. You are such a versatile rapist of our film industry but those memorable vintage expressions you gave in 'Pappi le le' (Kiss Me), 'Dushashan' (A horny mythological character and wanna be rapist), etc are missing…..okay think of your wife seducing you."

Paapi – Ugh...Yaak!! Actually, I feel nothing new. Even when I walk towards my wife smiling to ask for tea or something...she calls Police saying that I am attempting a marital rape....man.

Director – Okay, cool down, sir, think of my wife....

Paapi – Haaaaaa!

Director – That’s my rapist! Now you have to walk towards the two cameras with this face...Lean on the ground camera....Foreplay with the two cameras....there is a Sari, blouse, etc, beside the ground camera pull everything....oh why I am telling you all this, you are a pro...and..and sir though we are covering your upper body but give us some pelvic thrusts you were expert in giving in your struggling days as a Background Dancer. Ready! Okay then....

Lights,
Sound,
Roll Camera,
Roll Villain,
Action!

Paapi – Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha....come on, Baby, Ha Ha Ha...I can’t wait..

Director whispers – "Sir, the pelvic thrusts from mid air..."

Paapi – Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Misbalanced Paapi falls on the camera and breaks himself and the camera.

Director – Idiot, I suggested him to take a break from his monotonous roles and he broke himself...Pack Up!!!!!!!


The End.

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